Classic CHURCH BULLETIN Bloopers
1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple
children.
2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to
make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
3) The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship
Hall after the B.S. is done.
4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.
5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the
pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end
of the recession.
7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
8) Ushers will eat latecomers.
9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung
without musical accomplishment.
10) For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the
delight of the audience.
12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after
which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare
privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied
our pulpit.
14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the
morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a
Terrible Experience."
15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing
services will be discontinued until further notice.
16) Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
17) The music for today's service was all composed by
George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th
anniversary of his birth.
18) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
church and community.
19) The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The
congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
20) The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great
success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter,
who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual
fell upon her.
21) 32 members were present at the church meeting held at
the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs.
Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
22) A song fest was hell at the Methodist church
Wednesday.
23) Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns
from a full choir.
24) Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?"
Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett
Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
25) On a church bulletin during the minister's illness:
GOD IS GOOD
Dr. Hargreaves is better.
26) Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
27) Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
28) The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10
and 11.
29) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to
church secretary.
